HumorFebruary 9, 2008

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Webb… Of DECEIT!

By abe chong

The Jazz started it off by landing Kyle Korver. Then the Lakers (of ALL teams) pulled a heist for Gasol, leaving every other GM in the NBA feeling and looking like they just stuck their thumb up their rear ends. The Suns then panicked and traded away the second most vital cog of their offense for a geriatric Shaq, pending physical. Is the idea of Shaq passing any sort of physical hilarious to anyone else besides me? Is there some sort of tailored fat physical for the Shaqs and Antoine Walkers of the NBA? Anyways, how do my Warriors counter all the movement in the Western Conference? They sign C-Webb. C-DANG-Webb!

This is supposed to make me feel better? Here’s a not-so-bold prediction: After two-weeks of revolving-door defense, line-drive jumpers clanking off the rim, and tiptoe rebounds because he has absolutely no lift, I’ll be bald from pulling my hair out. Or he’ll get injured. Might as well coax Oliver Miller out of retirement and pay him to sit on opposing centers. Which would still be better defense than C-Webb’s.

Obviously, this means he’s not fantasy-worthy. He’s not even NBDL-worthy. To be in the NBDL, you need to possess certain skills like being able to run up and down the court more than three times without getting tired. There’s also this crucial skill called “jumping” that’s clearly missing from Webber’s skill-set. So naturally, Nellie announced that he’d start right away. I secretly believe the beef between Nellie and Webb isn’t squashed yet and Nellie’s starting him on purpose to humiliate him. Why would any coach immediately start an aging injury risk that hasn’t played all season?

DO NOT expect stats from Webber. DO NOT expect him to contribute in any helpful way. DO expect whoever he’s guarding on that particular day to have career nights. Don’t get caught up in the Webb of Deceit. C-Webb was good once, but that was when he was able walk from the locker room to the court without getting tired and pulling something. Don’t count on him for fantasy, and I sure as heck won’t be counting on him in real-life.

Abe is hardcore Bay Area sports fan whose been playing fantasy sports for 5+ years. You can find abe posting in the forums as heckler408.
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